Friday, April 8, 2011

Robert Pattinson is Raping Your Daughters!





A year ago, a God-awful movie called "New Moon" came out. My sister dragged me to see what the fuss was all about to a theatre filled with hormonal pre-teens oozing over an actor I've never heard about: Robert Pattinson. Supposedly girls become fanatics over this guy who barely speaks throughout the entire movie. His relationship and "bond" with co-star Kristen Stewart was so bland and understated that I felt like driving a stake through my chest.

What does it say about pop culture when young, impressionable girls become obsessed over what the media pretty much tells them what to become obsessed over? Robert Pattinson is made to look like nothing more than a paled-out junkie on the verge of performing oral sex on a werewolf for more heroin.

To all you elementary school students: Take a second look at this desirable vampire fantasy of yours. He's not interested in Kristen Stewart. His interest in women should definitely be scrutinized as well. And he's more likely to crawl for a bag of angel dust rather than give you an autograph or the time of day.

To all you fathers of young preteens out there: Your daughters are become as addicted to Robert Pattinson as he seems to be to drugs and male prostitution. My advice? Spend a little bit more time with your daughter and embrace true parental values. It will save your daughter from losing her virginity to a Pattinson look-alike emo, and it may even give your daughter a proper role model to look up to.

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