Miami Beach University

Back in 2005 I moved from Northern NJ to Miami Beach, Florida. I originally had a mission to study Film and Acting at University of Miami's School of Communication, a growing program top-ranked in the nation.
It wasn't long before I met some of the most disturbingly dysfunctional (yet intriguing) people I had ever met.

I was a sophomore and was just starting to take my stint as a college student seriously. I had already been to two other schools (one in Boston, one in Jersey) and asked myself, "What do I have to lose by studying in Miami?" Most students that go to college are typical: Underclassmen that wear their pajamas to class, wear socks with their sandals, commute by train or bus, and wear Jansport backpacks. You can find most male students using their meal plans religiously and partaking in ritualistic Halo tournaments drowning their academic anxieties in PBR's or Natty Ice beers. The party scene mainly exists at fraternity houses. "Dressing up" for these parties often requires a mere polo, jeans, and tennis shoes. Girls aren't much different. Sure, they like to dress a bit sluttier in the spring and summer, but will keep it casual for frat parties, for the most part: think jeans, ALDO sandals, and cheap bohemian jewelry. Got the idea so far? Great! Digest that information and take a trip to a different dimension: University of Miami.

University of Miami contradicts the atypical college experience in several thousand ways. If you want to be part of the scene, the normal rules don't apply. No longer are pajamas, sandals with cotton socks, or even a beat-up car part of the picture. In fact, if you look at most of the parking lots on campus, you'll find most students (yes, underclassmen) drive the newest BMW's or Mercedes sports cars, all paid by Mommy and Daddy. Since every day feels like Spring Break, a hetero-male Freshman will find it hard fighting off his boner due to the fact that most girls on campus dress in skimpy designer clothes, and sometimes even high heels. But what is astonishing is that fraternties are NOT considered cool. The fraternities have been substituted by the nigh club scene in Miami Beach. I could literally stick my finger in my ass wearing red lipstick and still be accepted into any fraternity on campus without any hazing. Why would you shoot pool or chug beer on a Friday night when you could drive a few miles to the beach, feel like you're VIP and dance with some of the most beautiful creatures on Earth?

If you're considering applying for the University of Miami, get in touch with every superficial bone in your body, rethink your self-image, and prepare to max out your father's credit card at the trendiest night clubs on the beach. It's a bumpy but sexy ride.