Bar Etiquette 101: Choose Your Wingman Carefully

Every so often I check my phonebook contacts on my cell phone and try seeing how the night would play out eight steps ahead with one of them as a wing man. Truth is, your buddy can either make or break your night. Usually you'll find that if you have the tolerable, easy-going wing man, you might get a number or two. Then there's the bold guy who will stop at nothing to cock-block you, get in your way and talk to every girl he's interested in, as well the ones YOU'RE interested in. The best kind of wing man, however, is the one that seems to be spotlighting as your very own promoter or sponsor. He's the guy who may have a happy situation at home with a good girlfriend and would like to see you have one yourself. Maybe his motive is to live vicariously through you because he feels too guilty cheating on his own girlfriend. This guy is usually the wild card you DO want on your side.

The worst type of wing man, however, is the guy who isn't all there, so to speak. He's looking to fill his own agenda, and sometimes it doesn't even include getting women. For example, say you're talking to a really good-looking girl at the bar. Your friend may chime and say hello to her friend, but will quickly get restless and disappear. An hour later you find him drunk and hard to approach. Let's even say, in all theory, that the girl you started talking to at the beginning of the night decides to come home with you. Problem is your buddy is either:

A) nowhere to be found
B) drunk, difficult to understand, and wants nothing except for pizza
C) insulting your girlfriend, her friend, or both

In either case, you're screwed with this type of wing man. Chances are you've had this guy on your side a few times in the form of different friends. I like to call him Rico: The Self-Serving and Self-Destructive Class Clown. He's usually the guy who's the life of the party throwing up sideways peace signs, but he's usually hogging everyone's good time until he finally ruins their night...

If you have to wonder if you're going to be arrested or assaulted with your wing man, think before you set plans for the night. You might get embarassed. You might get hurt. You might even be killed.