I'm from Jersey, OK? But at some point in 2004, I needed a break from the wannabe "Growing Up Gotti" generation so I decided to live anywhere and everywhere else besides good old North Jersey. From 2004-late 2009, I lived in Miami, LA, Boston, and even parts of Europe. Since being back in Jersey, finally making the kind of money it takes to live well and on my own, I've taken great pleasure in quietly mocking the born-again GUIDO. I bit my fist when Jersey Shore premiered on MTV for the first time. Seaside Heights, the vile, disgusting breeding ground for guidos and guidettes in the summer, was already a famous landmark in Jersey. Now it would be come a cultural phenomenon.
Now, more than ever, you can walk into any North Jersey lounge or club and see the same tool bags that use heavy competition and excessive personality to win win win, no matter what...
I've seen as some arrogant guys flash a credit card or business card to manipulate themselves into successful situations. In LA, name-dropping is good coarse of action. However, in Jersey, if you're not wearing freshest clothes, spiking your hair so heavily as if you styled it with semen, and wearing a coat of orangey-tan paint on your skin, then get the fuck out of here.
This image is an outward expression of the Jersey Attitude, my friends. For so many years, I wondered why girls sought out these prettyboy posers, and now I completely get it. It's the overbearing competitive, and often arrogant personality factor. Women love men who compete and reak of self-confidence. And New Jersey is the perfect place to find these personalities to the maximum of levels. Look at the geography for a moment. You're next to one of the biggest and boldest powerhouse cities in the world: MANHATTAN. The constant need to compete and prove you're slighly edgier and more exciting is ever-present. Top on the fact that media has influenced Jersey males to look up to fictional gangsters like Tony Soprano and you have the ultimate douche bag.
Let's face it though. Most of these losers aren't successful. They spend half their pay check on ugly graphic T-shirts that make them look like a walking advertisement for Affliction and Ed Hardy. They spend the other half on alcohol and drink to the point of no return> Remember when Ronnie from Jersey Shore bled out of his asshole on the show because he was drinking too much? Great role model. What's left of their pay check, they spend on steroids and enough tanning services that soon enough, their shriveled up, wrinkly cocks will fall off while buying a transexual-looking guidette a cosmo at Karma.
My advice to anyone who's ever thought: Hey! Maybe I should be like the Situation or Pauly D ? Don't. Live your life. Do what's good for yourself and stand out at that night club as your own person. The kind of subculture of women that likes these guidos in the first place all have at least one or two STD's. If you borrow the confidence level that these overzealous douchebags have and adopt it in your own style, you'll be fine. There are only two ingredients that are sure-fire ways of picking up that girl at the bar: Confidence and humor. Tanning products, earrings, and manufactured muscles aren't the secret guys.
P.S. Most Jersey Guidos aren't tough and usually don't fight. They verbally abuse or taunt someone until either A) a cop busts them before a fight happens, B) they receive the first punch and end up crying home with no pussy, or C) get into an overdrawn shoving match that leads to nowhere but humiliation and embarassment.
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